


Regrets and Second Chances

by Kanelore



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Howard Stark's Good Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Tony Stark, Protective Edwin Jarvis, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but he tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanelore/pseuds/Kanelore
Summary: All Tony wanted to do was stay in the workshop with his dad and all Howard wanted to do was finish the weapon before the damned deadline.Tony didn't meant to do it. He really didn't. But hehaddone it and now all he could do was hope his dad would want him to be his son.
Relationships: Edwin Jarvis & Tony Stark, Howard Stark & Tony Stark
Comments: 65
Kudos: 394





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is related to my fic ['A glimpse to the future'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18404975) but can be read separately without any problem.

Howard, with his steadily decreasing patience, tried to hide his annoyance as Tony kept on tapping his finger against the table. He raised his whiskey to his mouth and paused seeing it was already empty. Jaw clenched, he tried to keep his mind on the failed prototype. He had to figure out what could’ve possibly changed for it to not work when it had been working smoothly before.

However, after the fifth failed attempt and the alarming deadline for the demonstration Howard was getting frustrated. Hence, the irritation at his son increasing at an alarming rate.

_Tap. Tap. Tap_

His left eye twitched as he silently cursed at himself. He never shouldn’t have allowed Tony to come to the lab. He had no one to blame but himself. With great effort he pushed the thought away and focused on the damned invention. No matter how advanced, a weapon that had to be thrown away after firing once was useless, it would be entirely too expensive.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

_“Would you stop tapping your finger”_ Howard finally snapped.

Finally the tapping stopped. He never had appreciated the silence more in his entire life. He took a second to enjoy it, opened another whiskey and looked over his first draft, starting over again.

Shuffling sounds caught his ears again.

What was the boy doing? Was his new purpose in life to never cease annoying him? At this rate he was never going to be able to concentrate. He counted to ten and exhaled, just as Maria had once advised him. It was as effective as Tony trying not to disturb him, which meant not effective at all. Metal continuously screeched as Tony tried his best to be loud and irritating as possible.

 _“Anthony”_ his voice came out harshly and angrier than he expected.

Tony flinched, stopped doing whatever forsaken thing he was doing and looked at him with wide eyes.

Howard felt a hint of guilt and reminded himself that it was not his son’s fault that he had had a fall out that morning with Peggy after dealing with SHIELD scientists, who really shouldn't be called scientists. Nor was he responsible for the irritating board members. He definitely had nothing to do with Obadiah assuming Howard would’ve managed to figure out the problem and making the date for the weapons demonstration, even though he had been working for days without sleep trying to figure it out. Though it _would_ be a great relief if Tony could stop making that awful sound.

“What are you doing?” he asked finally, his voice tense.

Why Tony seemed to perk up at that, he would never know. “Um..I-uh-I was trying to build the engine..but I..um..couldn’t” Tony looked down and shuffled a bit more.

“Maybe you should do this at another time”

“Oh” A disappointed look passed through his face “I think I can probably do it now” he nodded, clearly lying.

“Be quiet” he warned him, “I don’t want to hear another sound”

“I’ll be quiet, sir” Tony promised, looking at him gravely.

Howard focused on the damned weapon again and true to his word, the boy did stay without bothering him. However after what seemed like a lifetime to him as he continuously failed, he even briefly considered retirement, the telephone in his office room began to ring. The sound grated his nerves and he angrily got up, walked to the room and answered it with an angry, “I’m busy”

 _“Ah Howard! How’s the weapon turning up?”_ Obadiah's voice came through the phone.

“It’s a work in progress” he snapped, “Which wouldn’t have been the issue if you hadn’t gone behind my back and made the deal on your own”

_“You said it worked”_

He gritted his teeth and briefly considered testing the next prototype on Obadiah, “I didn’t say it’s finished. If you had any idea about weapon manufacturing you would’ve thought twice about it.”

_“Howard you know how much money we could make with this deal… and how much we would lose if we fail to give what we promised, the damage it would do to the company’s reputation. We need-- ”_

He slammed the receiver and ripped the cable off. He stormed back to the workshop and started to take apart the weapon. An idea started to form in his head. Maybe..

Shuffling. More shuffling. 

Then, “Dad..”

He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice controlled, “Tony, don't you have studies to do?”

Tony shook his head feeling confused, “I finished everything because you said.. you’ll work with me in the lab”.

He had been waiting very eagerly until he got to work with his dad. So he had done everything his tutors had given for him. He had even finished studying things he hadn't even done yet. He had helped Jarvis and mom and had been behaving good this whole week. 

_‘Maybe dad had forgotten about it’_ , he thought, feeling a bit disappointed.

Dad let out a frustrated sigh, “If you can’t do that on your own, go annoy Jarvis. I have important things to do.”

Of course dad has important things to do, Tony knows that, he has to be the most important person in the world. But dad was always busy, so he had thought that maybe because dad did tell him that he’ll work with him, he wouldn’t be bothering dad. Turns out he was wrong. Tony felt terrible for disturbing and annoying him. But he really did need dad’s help, he wasn’t tall enough to solder the wire at that angle and the thing was too heavy for him to put on the floor. He stared at it gloomily, he’s six years old and still can’t even build an engine by himself. Why should dad even bother working with him if he can’t solder a wire? He shook his head at himself, what kind of a Stark is he? He was going to do it by himself, he wasn’t some dumb kid. 

Feeling determined he took the small stool and carried it over to the table, put it down on the floor being very quiet. He felt a bit breathless, it was a bit heavy for such a small stool. He looked at dad, seeing him working undisturbed, Tony climbed onto it and nodded to himself seeing he could reach it now. 

He started to solder, wondering why he hadn’t just done this without ever disturbing dad. After a while he finished, looking at the work feeling a bit proud. He had to show it to dad, he looked over and saw dad busily taking apart some weird part. Deciding that maybe he should wait until dad finished working, he looked down at his work.

He felt like slapping himself as he saw that he had missed the wire in the back. _He had almost shown it to his dad!_. He hurriedly took the soldering iron and reached the back learning forward, on his toes trying to connect the wire properly when he suddenly slipped.

White hot searing pain in his hand made his sight blur as he stumbled off the stool miraculously landing on his feet. The soldering iron slipped from his tight grip as his hand jerked away, his scream got stuck in his throat. Gasping in pain, Tony looked at his hand through his blurred sight, clutching it tightly with the other hand. It looked..bad. Really bad. 

He bit his lip in pain and he felt like throwing up. 

It _hurt_. It really _hurt. It really really really hurts._

He didn’t know anything could hurt that bad. He was sure was the worst hurt anyone could feel. His throat felt like something was stuck in it and he couldn’t speak. Tony _wanted_ to cry for Jarvis, he always knows how to make him feel better. He waited a second for the room to stop spinning and blinked until he could see a bit more clearly.

 _‘Stark men don’t cry’_ , he reminded himself fiercely through the blinding pain.

“Tony what did I say about being quiet” he heard his dad snapping at him angrily and saw him looking up from his work. Everything felt so far away and all he could think about was how much his hand _hurt._

Suddenly dad stopped and rushed forward, _“What the hell did you do?”_ his voice was furiously.

Tony stumbled as dad pushed him away without even looking at him and pushed away the soldering iron he had used.

With a sinking feeling Tony saw that he had burned dad’s blueprints. The iron had burned through to the table. Huge holes from a lot of papers stared at him accusingly.

He opened his mouth to apologize but the words were stuck in his mouth.

 _“Goddammit”_ dad swore loudly, absolutely livid.

Tony felt a flash of fear, he had never seen dad this angry. He had messed up soo bad, he had to try to help dad somehow to clean up his mess. He tried to ignore his hand, which was nearly impossible to do as _it hurt soo much_ and stepped forward, “I-I’m s-sorry. I didn’t--” he stuttered.

Dad whirled towards him, eyes flashing with anger, breathing heavily _“You-”_

In a flash Tony was falling down, shoulder colliding heavily with the rack causing few screwdrivers to fall on him scratching his arm lightly. He blinked in shock, cheek stinging, eyes tearing up.

_…...Dad hit him._

Fearfully he looked at his dad and saw him clenching his fists and stepping away from him. An unreadable expression passed through his face, “Get out” he said through gritted teeth.

Tony didn’t need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...has the future remained unchanged? Is Howard still the same person or has he changed for better..or for worse? Hope you all enjoyed this and let me know all your thoughts and comments.  
>   
>   
>   
> 


	2. Chapter 2

Tony rubbed his face with his left hand feeling utterly miserable. He turned in his bed for what must be the hundredth time and hissed as his palm rubbed against the sheet. He quickly looked away from his hand feeling sick. He had put his hand under the tap just like Jarvis had done that time he’d accidentally touched a hot pan but then his hand hadn’t looked _or_ felt this bad. Maybe he _should’ve_ looked harder for Jarvis. But he had been too scared and hurt that all he wanted was to crawl into his bed and try to not cry in the dark.

He really had thought Jarvis would come looking for him when he didn't show up for dinner. He was glad because he didn’t want to eat anyway but a huge part of him wanted Jarvis to look at him warmly and say everything would be okay. He gathered up his courage and peeked another look at his hand, he could almost hear Jarvis scolding him for not coming to find him. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Jarvis too. All he wanted to do was to sleep and forget about everything he had done. Maybe he should start to build a machine to time travel to stop the whole evening from happening. He quickly pushed away that silly thought. Like he could build one when he can't even use a soldering iron without burning everything.

Tony got out of bed. He couldn't sleep, not after what happened.

He went to find Jarvis quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear him. Walking in the hallway, he felt really lonely in the large mansion. He wanted to go to mama but he knew his dad would only get angry with mama for coddling him and then they would argue and he _really_ didn't want his parents to argue over him.

He saw a light seeping through to the dark corridor from one of his dad’s private chambers. Was Jarvis in there? Or was it dad? He slowly crept near the half opened door and heard two voices. It was Jarvis and dad.

He peeked at the room and saw Jarvis with a disappointed resigned face and his dad. He was really drunk with another bottle in his hand. Tony felt his breath hitch, his dad got really angry when he’s drunk, he didn't like it when he’s drunk. If dad found him sneaking around in the corridor he would get really angry, Tony turned around quickly planning on going back to his room when he heard his name.

Tony freezed, heart shuddering in his chest, did he see him? He turned around again praying dad hadn't seen him. Only to hear,

“I can't deal with Tony!” dad said in anger and frustration.

Tony bit his lip and stood still. He knew he really messed up this time but it still hurt to hear it.

“Why can't he just leave me alone?! Always coming to my workshop, wasting my time, never getting out when I say him to. Always in my way” he said angrily, taking another gulp from the bottle.

“He is your son, he misses you--” Jarvis said in a strange tone.

“Well then he should know better than to destroy my work! Should learn to leave me the hell alone when I am drunk and working for days without sleep to meet the deadline! He fucking destroyed it--”

Tony felt his left cheek burn where his dad hit him hard. Tony bit his split lip feeling his eyes burn, he still felt really sore when he moved his shoulder. That was why he didn’t go to mama, she would be worried. If he avoided mama tonight then she wouldn’t know how he messed up because very early in the morning she was going to Italy to meet some friends. But Jarvis never says anything to Tony, he would look at his burned hand and make it all better.

“--messed up. Shit! What am I going to do now? Having Tony was a mistake-” 

Tony felt tears running down his face, he felt hopeless. A terrible anguish struck his heart, he had really messed up this time.

“--I never planned to have a kid. I didn’t want one for God’s sake!” he yelled voice slurred and threw the bottle to a wall.

Not wanting to hear anything else, he fled. Tony felt like his heart was being torn to pieces even though he knew it wasn't really possible. His dad didn't love him, he didn't even want him. He was a mistake that keeps making his dad’s life miserable. It turned out he was wrong again, his burned hand had hurt a lot less than this.

Howard stared at the fireplace, his mind playing an endless loop of his son’s eyes filled with tears and pain, staring at him with fear.

_After he had hit him._

_His son._

_Tony_

_What had he done?_

He took another gulp from his bottle, trying to drown his guilt. He should’ve kicked Tony out of the lab the first time he felt annoyed with him and none of this would’ve ever happened.

“Mr Stark, how many..bottles have you had?” Jarvis’s wary voice cut through his thoughts.

Howard looked at the empty bottles of.. some alcohol laying around him. He’s not even sure what it was that he was drinking. “Not enough” he spat out and took another deep gulp. He was rather surprised Jarvis was even speaking to him after what he had done.

Jarvis sighed in disappointment and looked at him resigned, “Might I remind you that you have a weapon demonstration scheduled tomorrow, sir? ”

He scoffed, “Cancel it, while you’re at it you can thank Tony for that too''. _Tony_ , who doesn't cry easily, running out of the lab wiping tears out of his eyes. _Tony_ , who was still a kid. It was his own fault for not looking at what the boy was doing.

He could’ve managed to finish the weapon at the last possible moment, regardless of the burned blueprints, if he had pushed himself seeing as he had managed to figure out the problem. Sure it would have saved him a lot of hours to have the blueprints intact but he could've done it. But after what he had done.. he was happy with drowning in his self-hatred.

What kind of a father was he even?

“I can't deal with Tony!” He snarled, feeling angry with himself and frustrated at his son.

 _“Why can't he just leave me alone?! Always coming to my workshop, wasting my time, never getting out when I say him to. Always in my way--”_ he ranted angrily, taking another gulp from the bottle. 

Why would Tony even want to be near him when all Howard seemed to do is get annoyed with his son for disturbing his work? Tony would be a thousand times better off without him.

“He is your son, he misses you--” Jarvis said, his voice was laced with anger and disappointment.

“Well then he should know better than to destroy my work! Should learn to leave me the hell alone when I am drunk and working for days without sleep to meet the deadline! He fucking destroyed it—and-” his rant ended and he chocked out the truth he wanted to escape so desperately, “ _I- god I hit him_ ”.

He saw Javis’s eyes widen at that. How could he ever raise a hand against his son? Tony, who was always following him around like a shadow trying to please him, who never would’ve intentionally done anything to destroy his inventions.

_Who had looked at him with fear, eyes filled with tears._

“I messed up. Shit! What am I going to do now? Having Tony was a mistake, I never should’ve become a father. No one should trust me to take care of a _plant_ let alone a kid. I knew I would be a terrible father. This is why I never planned to have a kid. _I didn’t want one for God’s sake!_ ” he yelled, slurred and threw the bottle to a wall.

_“Mr Stark”_

Jarvis’s stern voice cut through his drunken haze and he turned towards him, breathing hard.

Jarvis did look angry, “What you wanted in the past does not matter. You have a son _now_ and he thinks the world of you. So I suggest that you put him first for once and apologize to him,” then he narrowed his eyes “Tomorrow. I highly advise against going to see him drunk.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see young sir.”

Howard stared at his hands bitterly. For an inventor all he seems to do was destroy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... So..? Feel free to yell through the comments. Do let me know all you're thoughts on this! Do you hate Howard? Feel like you could _maybe_ forgive him? Wanna punch him? Poor Tony really deserve none of this...


	3. Chapter 3

Jarvis heard Tony before seeing him and felt his heart sink, young master sounded utterly heartbroken. He knocked quietly and entered the room. “Young sir” he rushed forward and sat on his bed, aching to take the boy’s pain away. Tony clutched his tear stained pillow and buried deeper, breath hitching as he tried to control his sobs. Jarvis gently brushed his hair back trying to calm him from the soothing motion. 

“What troubles you, young sir?” he probed gently after a while when Tony stopped shaking hard.

While he knew the boy had good reason to be upset, it was not like him to cry this hard for such a long time, it had been a few hours after all. Jarvis scolded himself for leaving the house with Mrs Stark that evening, he surely would have noticed something was amiss if he had been at the mansion.

Tony shook his head and let out a muffled whimper, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

“Very well. I only wish to ease you of troubles” Jarvis said patiently, knowing Tony had the habit of confiding once you silently waited for him to gather his thoughts.

Though, he was struggling to maintain his calm composure. Since he had heard of the utterly horrible confessing out of Mr Stark all he wanted to do was check over the boy for any harm.

After a few more minutes, to his relief, Tony wiped his face rather roughly and sat on the bed, curled into a ball with elbows on his knees. “I messed up” came the muffled voice.

“What makes you think that?” Jarvis asked, feeling almost cruel for making the boy repeat what he thought as his unforgivable act. But he needed to find out what had happened.

Tony sniffled, still hiding his face behind his knees, “I-I burned dad’s blueprints and now dad h-hates me” his voice was choked with anguish.

“Your father does not hate you” Jarvis immediately corrected the boy, feeling alarmed by the conviction in Tony’s voice. “He may have been angry but he does not hate you, young sir.”

Tony frame shook with silent sobs as he shook his head disagreeing with him. 

Jarvis felt a rush of anger at the man for causing his son such pain, but he made sure to hide it from the boy. It would do no good for Tony to think it may be directed to him. “Your father should never have hit you”

“B-but I’m a t-terrible son” his breath hitched and curled in protectively.

This will not do. “Look at me young sir”

Jarvis felt like someone had punched him in the gut as Tony slowly looked up. Eyes normally filled with barely contained energy looked dull, pain filled and lifeless. His cheek was slightly bruised and lip split, probably due to the edge of Mr Stark’s ring. 

“You are not a terrible son. You just made a little mistake, young sir. You are the most well behaved, well mannered, intelligent, kind boy I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing” Jarvis said sincerely, god knew what sir could’ve said to the boy.

Tony bit his lip looking uncertain, “Really?”

Jarvis nodded allowing a quirk of lip “Now does it hurt? Are you hurt anywhere else?” he gently asked, carefully touching the bruised cheek lightly trying to see if the cut was deep. He didn’t want to think that sir might’ve beaten the boy...but he needed to be sure.

When Tony hesitated and showed his hand,Jarvis felt his blood turn to water. Surely sir couldn't have burned his own son's hand for accidentally burning his work? He inspected the hand carefully, not wanting to cause more pain as it looked really painful. It seemed to be a second degree burn.

“I burned my hand on the soldering iron,” the boy explained, much to his relief.

Jarvis had seen many such burns, however the size of the burn did not make much sense. It rather looked like Tony had gripped it tight in his hand.

“Why didn't your father take care of this?” Jarvis asked, feeling utterly disappointed with Mr Stark. He could’ve at least let Jarvis take care of his son’s hand.

Tony was avoiding his eyes, “I didn’t tell him” he mumbled.

“Why ever not, young sir?” he probed. It was rather shocking and mildly horrifying that Tony would’ve kept quiet about this. Jarvis had expected the boy to let him know whenever he needed anything. Perhaps he ought to keep a closer eye on young sir.

“He was _really_ angry because I burned everything,” came the miserable reply.

Jarvis was feeling confused. Surely Mr Stark would’ve noticed Tony getting such a painful injury for how could one not? “How did this happen?” he asked gently, putting his arm around Tony’s shoulders pulling the boy closer to him. Jarvis was aware such actions were not professional, however the boy was like a son to him and at the moment it was painfully clear to him that the boy needed comfort.

He listened, silently fuming at Mr Stark, while Tony reluctantly told him what had happened. When he had finished explaining what had happened and how incredibly sorry he was about everything with tears in his eyes, all Jarvis could think was.. 

_Oh dear_

Jarvis took a deep breath and firmly reminded himself that Tony’s hand needed to be treated. Tony would not understand nor appreciate, Jarvis telling everything was Howard's fault for not looking after him properly. “Did you hold your hand under the tap?”

A nod. It seems Tony had resorted back to not speaking again.

“Good” Jarvis nodded at him feeling proud of the boy for remembering. He needed to get some approval after the horrific ordeal.   
  


Tony remained silent the whole time Jarvis applied ointment and bandaged his hand carefully. He felt tears returning as Jarvis kept kindly talking to him being very careful to not hurt his hands. At least he still has Jarvis, he hadn’t been disappointed with him even after he had explained everything to him. He had been terrified Jarvis would be angry with him too but now he was doubting whether there _was_ anything that would stop Jarvis from loving him. He blinked back his tears feeling pathetic. Here he was crying even when there was nothing to cry about.

“I shall call the doctor tomorrow. He will check your hand again young sir” Jarvis said looking worried. That probably meant it was bad.

He swallowed the painkiller Jarvis handed him with water and watched as Jarvis packed away the first aid kit. He glanced at the clock, it was very late. Jarvis had never let him stay up this late, soon he would tell him to go to bed. But..Tony didn’t want to be alone. 

“How about I stay with you until you sleep, young sir?” Jarvis asked gently.

Feeling relieved Tony nodded and stood up. Sometimes he really thought Jarvis _could_ read his mind. He slowly shuffled towards his bedroom with Jarvis. He picked at his bandaged hand, it hurt a lot less now. 

“Jarvis...do you think dad will ever stop hating me?” He asked hesitantly, wanting Jarvis to tell the truth. He never lied to Tony. 

“He does _not_ hate you.” Jarvis repeated firmly.

Tony sighed feeling disappointed. Great now Jarvis was starting to lie too. Tony knew Jarvis always felt terrible when he was sad, he must be lying to make him feel better “You don't have to lie to me.” he muttered, feeling worse.

Jarvis blinked, “I’m afraid I do not understand. Why would you think that?” he questioned looking utterly lost. 

Tony felt a bit betrayed. Was Jarvis really pretending to not know? He felt his throat closing in as his dad’s words played through his mind. He wanted to crawl under his bed and never get out. He furiously blinked back his tears. He really can't start bawling like a baby if he wanted the answer to his question. 

“I heard..I-I know that d-dad wishes I was never b-born. That he never w-wanted me” Tony mumbled, looking at the floor feeling absolutely wrenched.

He knew there was nothing he could do to make dad love him again, especially when he was a mistake to start with but he still hoped dad would change his mind.

When Jarvis was silent, he reluctantly looked up and saw an unreadable look in Jarvis’s face. Was Jarvis mad at him for eavesdropping? No, that can't bet it. Jarvis probably _didn’t_ want him to find out the truth ever. His mind replayed his dad’s words again no matter how hard Tony tried to forget them. Was he really _so_ horrible?

He heard Jarvis reluctantly saying something about his dad not meaning that but he ignored him. Jarvis was just trying to make him feel better. Tony knew what he heard.

For a brief moment, he wished he was never born. At least that way dad would be happier and he wouldn't be feeling this horrible.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jarvis is going to have strong words with Howard.


	4. Chapter 4

Howard slowly drifted into consciousness with a throbbing headache. He cringed as his eyes met with harsh sunlight, rather confused about his current predicament. He was never the one to wake up feeling this hangover and why on earth was he slouched in a chair? He went through his muddled brain trying to remember what had happened.

“Mr Stark” came a voice devoid of emotion and a loud clang as a tray appeared in front of him with a glass of water and breakfast.

Howard looked up and was immediately filled with dread. Jarvis stared at him coldly, his face would look more friendlier if it was made from rough stone. If this was anyone else, they would be screaming at him and Howard would definitely end up greeting their fist with his face…

His earlier blissful ignorance was washed away with the memory of _his_ hand greeting Tony’s face. ‘Drinking had worked for a while there’, Howard thought grimly, feeling sickened at actually managing to forget what he had done.

His next thought was that he was too sober to deal with this.

He noticed the too many empty bottles on the floor, “Jarvis, do you think there’s any left?”

“You want to keep drinking when your son is asleep after crying himself to sleep because you hit him?” came the cold reply.

Howard barely held back a flinch at the reminder and looked at Jarvis. He looked furious and a second away from quitting the job and running away with Tony.

“I take it that’s a no to getting help from you” he muttered trying to look unaffected.

“Tell me Mr Stark, Is your pride worth more than your son?” Javis asked, looking very unimpressed.

Howard pinched his nose and took a deep breath, “Jarvis-”

“What are you going to do sir?” Jarvis asked patiently, waiting for him to answer.

“Clear my schedule for today.” he answered, knowing it wasn’t what his friend meant.

A hint of approval entered to his eyes, “Of course sir”

He should go and see Tony. He may not be the perfect example of decent human behaviour, let alone a father but even he knew he had to do something. But all he could see was how Tony looked scared of him.

“Is he okay?”

Jarvis pursed his lips, “I called young sir’s doctor. He will be arriving today and noon. ”

Howard inwardly winced, there really was no need to bring a doctor into this. Jarvis really has overdone it, he could only hope that the doctor wouldn’t question anything. 

“Then I’ll be in the workshop. Don’t let anyone disturb me”

A look of utter disbelief crossed Jarvis’s face. Honestly, he didn’t know why Jarvis would be so surprised. You’d think after knowing him for so long he’d know better than to expect for him to not avoid this sort of things.

“Mr Stark, I care about Master Tony very much and I refuse to see you hurt him everyday anymore.”, Jarvis said with narrowed eyes, 

Howard stood up abruptly, “ _How could you even think-_ ”

“I’m aware you haven’t hit him until now, Mr Stark” Jarvis interrupted “However, to be frank, you act like you don’t care about the boy and that hurts him more than anything else.”

“I don’t..” Howard trailed off in disbelief.

“I understand you are a very busy man Mr Stark but however smart Master Tony may be, he still is infact a child. A child, might I add, who thinks he needs to be better to be worthy of spending time with you”.

Worthy to be spending time with _him_? He was doing Tony a favour. Tony is still innocent. He has fresh ideas that will one day change the world for the better. Howard was making it a much dangerous place with his weapons no matter how safe he makes his country. No good can come out of him spending time with his son. This whole incident had proven it in a much different way than he had anticipated very clearly.

Suddenly it was clear what he had to do.

“I’m sending Tony to boarding school. Make sure everything is ready, he’ll be leaving when summer ends” Howard stated turning away from Jarvis. He didn’t need to see his accusing eyes.

 _“Sir, you can’t”_ came a rather horrified protest.

Howard really did expect Jarvis to protest, but not so vehemently. He looked like Howard had just ordered a midnight oil attack on a bunch of toddlers.

“I have been thinking about this before Jarvis. Tony needs to learn to interact with the world. He needs to know how to socialize if he’s going to take over the company.” Howard explained.

Jarvis stared at him as if he had half a brain cell, “Mr Stark, I beg you to reconsider. You cannot send him so soon, especially since this happened.”

Howard ran his hand through his hair frustrated, “This is exactly why I have to”

Jarvis gathered himself, “Master Tony had heard part of your drunken yelling and is under the impression that he is the biggest regret in your life. He is rather broken up about it as expected. I fear too much for the boy to let him think that he is a worthless son for a moment longer sir. No child should ever hear those words come out of their parent’s mouth.”

Howard felt horror rising up as he recalled what he had yelled last night. From Tony’s point, there was no way a single word could be taken in the right way. Surely Tony couldn’t believe such a thing?

“I suggest you get yourself together and talk with young sir”, his tone made it very clear that it wasn't a suggestion and that he would deeply regret not following through it.

  
  
  
  
  


Howard paced in front of Tony’s bedroom, trying to figure out what to say. What could one possibly say in a situation like this? He supposed he should start with an apology but there weren't any words to describe how much he regretted everything. He couldn’t very well unload his guilt and self loathing into his son. He should just go inside without stalling any more. It isn't as if he is magically going to get a whole speech ready if he waits any longer.

A sudden thump and a yelp from inside took away any hesitation. Howard opened the door and rushed inside with a hint of panic.

He was greeted with a lump of blanket on the floor next to the bed. Howard stared dumbly as it started to move emitting sounds of distressed frustration. 

Shaking himself out of his stupor, he knelt next to it and removed the blanket down, “Honestly Tony--” he cut himself off. _‘Stop, you are here to apologize to the kid. Not make fun of him’_ he reminded himself. Tony would only take it as an insult anyway, last thing he needed was to make Tony feel even worse.

Tony looked up at him startled, sprawled across the floor. A brief look of fear and distress flashed in his eyes before he quickly tried to sit up, causing a flash of pain across his face.

Feeling concerned, Howard quickly scanned him to see if the fall from bed hadn’t been as innocent as he had thought. Tony was holding his arm in pain..

A bandaged hand.

“What happened to your hand?” Howard asked and grabbed the hand when Tony tried to hide it.

“N-Nothing?” his voice sort of went high.

Howard narrowed his eyes at him. It wasn’t like Tony at all to lie to him. He carefully turned the hand towards him and noted Tony wincing. ‘ _Surely he couldn’t have caused this?’_ He thought dreadfully. He looked at Tony’s face and saw an accusing bruise in his cheek staring straight at him while Tony tried his best to avoid his eyes. His mind flashed to what Jarvis had said about the doctor arriving at noon and felt a wave of guilt hitting him. He hadn’t even questioned why Tony would need a doctor, what kind of a father was he? 

He pushed down his guilt and carefully made Tony turn toward him, “Tony..” he trailed off when he noticed the look of shame in his face.

“I-I burned it when I was using t-the soldering iron..” Tony admitted avoiding his eyes looking utterly ashamed with himself. “I- I know I shouldn’t have.. I’ll do better.. ”

Howard’s mind went blank. Tony had been wielding. Tony had burned his blueprints. He had burned his hand. Horror washed over him as his mind connected the dots. He _had_ known that it was an accident but he hadn’t known that Tony had been hurt. That he had hit his son who already had to have been in pain, all because of some dumb invention.

He unwrapped the bandage in a trance and lost his breath when he saw the wound. It was deep. Almost his entire palm was burned. Even _he_ couldn’t bare it without some cursing and wet eyes and Tony wasn’t used to even slight burns. Most of all he was _just a kid_. Kids have fits and cry when they get even the slight scrapes don't they? Howard felt sickened. How could he not notice? How the hell did he not notice that his son was in agony? He was suddenly reminded of the tear filled eyes when he had pushed him away.

“I-I’m really sorry d-dad” Tony’s voice cracked “I promise I’ll never come to the lab..”

Howard snapped out of his self pity. “Why would you never come to the lab? You love inventing. It was just a mistake.”

Tony shook his head biting his lip, “But-I don’t want to be a bother” he looked at him with anguished eyes “I’ll stay out of your way. You d-don’t have to put up with me dad.. I understand.”

This was not going the way he wanted it to go. Howard felt what was left of his heart shatter into subatomic particles. _What had he done?_ “I don't _put up_ with you..Don’t talk like that.”

Tony lowered his head, “I heard you last night dad, I’m sorry i know I shouldn't have-”

Howard interrupted before he could go any further, “I didn’t mean I wished you weren’t my son Tony. I never wanted to be a father and I never planned on having a kid. I was horrified when I knew I was going to be a father.” 

Tony looked even more stricken and this was _not_ what he wanted so Howard quickly continued, “Tony..do you know what your name means?”

Tony remained silent.

Howard swallowed “Anthony means praise worthy, priceless...from the first time I saw you I knew you are going to be the most important person in the world to me. I knew one day you are going to change the world and people would idolize you.”

Tony looked at him so quickly in shock Howard was half afraid he’d get whiplashed. 

“When you were born you looked so little and I didn’t want to accidentally drop you. You're mom almost threatened me to hold you.. But the moment I did, I knew I would do everything in my power to keep to you safe. I’m beyond happy that _you_ are my son and I wouldn’t want to change it for anything. ”

Tony stared at him as if he was speaking another language and Howard felt even more horrible. 

“Tony, I need you to listen to me very closely, yesterday was my fault not yours. I’m your father Tony, I should have been looking out for you and I let you get hurt. Even worse, I hurt you. That is not acceptable do you hear me?”

Tony looked confused, “But I destroyed..”

“They were just blueprints. Sure they were important but you are more important to me more than anything. And I hurt you. I’m your father first Tony. I’m suppose to protect you and make sure nothing happens to you.” _And in trying to make sure of that I lost sight and hurt you anyway._ What good was the company, SHIELD or even trying to find Steve was going to be if _he_ is the danger in Tony’s life. Howard lightly touched Ton’s bruise and swore to himself never to touch a hint of alcohol in the lab again.

“If you ever get hurt don’t hide it from me. At least tell Jarvis or your mother.” It didn’t escape his attention that either Jarvis hadn’t known Tony was hurt last night. Tony must’ve kept quiet about it for hours until Jarvis checked on him.

“I cancelled the meeting..maybe I can take a look at your engine, if you want?” He extended an olive branch, though he really wouldn’t hold it against Tony if he never wanted to spend another second with him.

His eyes flickered with a speck of hope, “You're not mad?” 

Howard held back a sigh. Really? Had he been talking to a wall this whole time? How can Tony have any doubt after listening to the whole speech he just gave? “Of course I’m not.”

All the dullness vanished instantly and Tony looked at him hopefully, “Yes, I- if you want to dad” he replied tentatively and Howard _knew_ that Tony had already forgiven him. 

_Don't forgive me.. I don't deserve you.._ “Thank you” Howard hugged Tony, feeling spent after all the guilt and regret.

Tony clinged hard and sniffed.

He couldn’t remember the last time he touched his son. He was sure that wasn’t how a father was supposed to be. He swore to earn Tony’s so easily given forgiveness. He would do his best to be a good father even if he doesn’t have a slightest clue on what to do.

But maybe...all he had to do was spend some time with Tony. _If_ Maria didn’t kill him first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg you guys have no idea how happy I am to finally post this! I'm so sorry about the late update.. Stuff happened and I wrote parts of this chapter in three places and I realized two things are sort of completely different and didn't exactly match..by the end I got three endings and I had to chose and write again.. It was really hard to write Howard apologizing so if he seems too OC.. sry.
> 
> BUT I really enjoyed writing this fic and I'm glad you guys are enjoying it too! Thank you soo much for your kudos and comments and all the support even though I had a crappy update schedule :) 
> 
> I'm in sort of a writing spree but unfortunately I have an exam soo I don't have time to come up with an fresh idea. Currnetly I'm typing an original story that I wrote 3 years ago in a book, on wattpad called [The Hidden Destiny](https://www.wattpad.com/story/234324716-the-hidden-destiny) Check it out if you are interested! (Self promoting guys..Sry I just couldn't resist, ignore me..hehe...) but I can write fanfics better and I enjoy this better..SOo If there are any prompts I'd be happy to try my best if I can!


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